Quick-reads

India’s divorce rates are surging in urban areas. While the divorce rates remain low from a global point of view, we are set to catch up because of the urban areas.

A long time back when I was a kid, I saw my parents having fights and disagreements, in-law issues, etc. but divorce is a word that they hadn’t even thought of. They were committed to each other for life. They were together through thick and thin. While we may find many reasons for increasing divorce rates, the lack of commitment lies at the core of it.

So, what is commitment?

This is very well explained in the Hindu marriage rituals. It is simply taking an oath to be together whether there is a lack of wealth, health or crises of any kind. You endure the circumstances together and support each other. Leaving is just not an option barring extreme circumstances like infidelity or domestic violence.

Today, infidelity is common. So are open relationships. Naturally, commitment goes out of the window. You can keep swiping and choosing. There is no end to it. In fact, I was once told by a friend that he only chooses married women for relationships because it is easier. It was, at first, hard to understand that married women would cheat so often but I’ve heard about it time and again.

A culture obsessed with sex

Pick up the India Today Sex Survey 2025 and you’ll know what I mean. From rimming (anal stimulation) to anal sex to same gender sex to all kinds of experimentation, urban India is doing it all.

I don’t have anything against sex but when intimacy goes out of sex and experimentation comes in, there’s trouble. It’s not for anyone to judge but when sex takes centre stage for the wrong reasons, the next step is to look out. Not before long, boredom sets in. Hello cheating!

Is infidelity the only reason for divorce?

Not at all. Whether it is someone’s health, financial expectations, in-law troubles, mismatched cultures, incompatibility, etc., one of the root causes of divorce is individualism. The by product of aping the west. The self today is much more important than family. Heard about ‘Love Yourself?’

Individualism and independence are not at all wrong. But there is a time and place for everything. Being individualistic in your career and independent in life is welcome but not at the cost of family.

Marriage is not for everyone

To be honest, marriage is boring. Marriage is not about finding the most handsome, rich guy who is a lean mean sex machine. Marriage is figuring out paying bills, juggling time to be with each other, raising kids (by far the most difficult job), having no time for sex because of the responsibilities.

Marriage does not mean choosing. There is no choice. Marriage is about accepting the man or woman who is ready to commit. Acceptance of their sweetness, their love and kindness, their looks that attracted you in the first place but also their anger, their bad habits, their weaknesses, etc. It’s about being a reliable team member who can fill in for the other when needed.

And of course, leaving is not an option.